Christmas! Understanding Family As A Conspiracy Of Love. What About Drug Addiction?

MANILA: It's Christmas Day as I upload this, and I ask, "What is the message of Christmas?"

A day before Christmas, with the image above that I have composed, I write of sunsets, mine and his, one for the living and one for the dead. Sunsets that do not end, that morph into nights. We don't appreciate sunsets sometimes even when we see them, and then they're gone. This new blog of mine is for the living to move on to better times after some sad sunsets, Christmas time or not. Drug users are the living dead, and we want them more alive than dead.

My sunset photograph was taken 08 December 2016 at 1718 hours with my Lumix FZ100 digital zoom. Now I see in the gray cloud in the middle of the right part of the image a man with arms stretched as if saying goodbye. The inset photo is, or more correctly, was Clay Shepard, American; he was 22 years old when he died. Nobody killed him but himself, by a drug overdose (Randall Neely, 16 June 2015, inspiremore.com). He was addicted to drugs, and he self-destructed; I am addicted to writing and blogging, and I want people to self-construct instead. As the new President of the Danggay Foundation based in my hometown Asingan in Eastern Pangasinan, I want you to help construct a better world for yourselves and others, and I assure you Danggay as a foundation will assist when affordable, or accessible, or both.

Early this December, I visited my hometown and, of course, we were talking about President Rodrigo Duterte's War on Drugs. Even if you didn't, as I myself didn't know for years that Asingan had become a drug-infested town, even today you can see the road signs on the shoulders reminding Asinganians that the Lord our God is more powerful than drugs, not to mention than the Drug Lord. To no avail. Drug signs with biblical references don't appeal to drug users who have a world of their own in their minds. They don't mind the world.

One of my nephews in my town was murdered, shot in the head, because of drugs. What does it matter if he was a drug user, drug pusher, or both? He is dead.

What happened to another boy, also in Asingan, the story told to me is that when some policemen visited their house, his mother greeted the police with words like this: "Nagpunta ba kayo dito para patayin s'ya? Sige, barilin na n'yo, wala nang pag-asa yan e." (Did you come here to kill him? Go ahead, shoot him, he's a hopeless case now.)

The deep anguish of a mother. Now she has a different reason for her torment; where before it was agony for a loved one's life, now it is agony for a loved one's death. The Drug Lord is no respecter of persons. I forgive the mother, but not the sin. And the Drug Lord, but not drug pushing.

The proverb here is: It takes a village to nurture a child. The suicide in the US of A and the separate murders in this our valley of tears are related, because they tell the same story and leave us the same twin lessons, and they are, from me:

Drug addiction is the power of habit over a child.
Addiction reflects on a village's failure of power to nurture a child.

Of course, the members of the child's own family are the village's firstline teachers, all of the older ones. If a child turns out to be a drug addict, it is the failure of the family to teach, not the failure of the child to learn. As a teacher, I know the truth of this educational adage:

If the student has not learned, the teacher has not taught.

Drug addiction does not happen overnight; it happens over many years. It can creep on every member of each family who does not pay attention in a village who does not care.

And paying attention now, I know where to look for where it all starts.

I think that if we examined the records of OFWs and the records of drug addiction in families, they will match. I mean, the highest number of drug abusers must come from OFW families. That shouldn't surprise anyone. The family of an OFW is almost always a broken one, or which is the same, there is enough cash going around that it is too much temptation not to spend it on something that gives you instant delight. There is not much delight in your family? You want instant gratification – this drug will give you what you need right now, which is comfort from reality.

American boy Clay Shepard was only 22 when he committed suicide. His family – Mom & Dad, Cole, Wade & Jess, Jean & Lucas wrote him a unique obituary, a powerful open letter that is quoted in its entirety by Randall Neely in his article "Unique Obituary Of 22-Year Old Has Reached Millions: Its Powerful Message Is Heart-Wrenching," inspireMORE, inspiremore.com).

Mr Randall says that the message of Clay's story is "to love family radically and never be afraid to ask for help."

And I, considering either prospect or problem (in which we must discern the prospect anyway), call on each family to love its members and the village to love each family radically and never to be afraid to ask for help.

I quote from Mr Randall:

The tragic yet powerful obituary of 22-year-old Clay Shepard is going viral. It’s bold message – to love family radically and never be afraid to ask for help – has inspired people everywhere.

The obituary, describing Clay’s death in an uncommon way, alludes to the drug overdose that caused his death. It tells of the deep love of his family and their support during several tries at rehab. But it also communicates that “even when the surface is calm, the water may be turbulent just beneath.”

Yes, silent water runs deep. That is the case for every suicide and, I suppose, every drug death, because for every dose you take of the drug you use, you die a little, if silently. You think you're escaping from reality when in reality, you're escaping from yourself. Not surprisingly, you end up saying goodbye to yourself, permanently so.

You want to prevent drug addiction? Know then the early signs of someone with a drug problem. The US National Institute on Drug Abuse, or NIDA, lists down these (drugabuse.gov):

v  hanging out with different friends

v  not caring about appearance

v  getting worse grades in school

v  missing classes or skipping school

v  losing interest in favorite activities

v  getting in trouble in school or with the law

v  having different eating or sleeping habits

v  having more problems with family members and friends

The NIDA says:

Many people don't understand why or how other people become addicted to drugs. They may mistakenly think that those who use drugs lack moral principles or willpower and that they could stop their drug use simply by choosing to. In reality, drug addiction is a complex disease, and quitting usually takes more than good intentions or a strong will. Drugs change the brain in ways that make quitting hard, even for those who want to.

I agree: Many people don't understand – not only many but most people. They think it's only a lack of moral principles, which explains those road signs about abusing drugs being against the will of God, or that all it takes is the will to stop.

I disagree: "Drugs change the brain in ways that make quitting hard, even for those who want to." I don't think so. That is a conclusion after the fact. Rather, whatever the cause of drug abuse, I see where it can be stopped from graduating into drug addiction: the NIDA list of signs I have quoted above. Drug addition can be stopped morphing into drug addiction.

It seems to me the common approach of Digong and Bato to the drug problem of the Philippines is to eliminate the problem in order to solve it. They want to eliminate the recalcitrant drug addicts first, then to rehabilitate those left behind. Social terror against individual terror first. Since we cannot deny them their own mindsets, we have to apply our own. We should be smarter than them!

The problem with drug abuse comes from the family; the problem of drug abuse leading to drug addiction originates from the family. So, the list from NIDA gives me a list of these characteristics of a drug addiction-candidate family:

o   the family that does not care about members hanging out with different friends

o   the family that does not care about members not caring about their appearance

o   the family that does not care about someone getting worse grades in school

o   the family that does not care about someone missing classes or skipping school

o   the family that does not care about someone losing interest in favorite activities

o   the family that does not care about someone getting into trouble

o   the family that does not care about someone showing a different eating or sleeping habit

o   the family that does not care about someone having more problems with family members and friends.

Intentionally there, I emphasize the role of the family. The Christmas message of Servant General of Couples for Christ Frank Padilla is, "Christmas is about family and life" (24 December 2016, Couples for Christ Foundation for Family and Life, cfcffl.net).

There is no life without family. And love would be empty. It's all in the family! Drug abuse happens in the family; drug abuse transforms into drug addiction in the family when no one else cares.

The first, second, third ... the ultimate solution to drug addiction is love for family. Every family member should love every other member, that's why you're there.

And why did I bring up the subject of Christmas in this essay when the subject is drug addiction in the family? Because it's not all family and life. It's more about love.

I ask again, "What is the message of Christmas?" My own answer is love, which in Christian faith is unconditional. You must love your family unconditionally, no ifs and buts.

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love” – Hamilton Wright Mabie. Look at it this way: Each family is a conspiracy of love.

“Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves” – Eric Sevareid. Family is that someone else besides ourselves.

"Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind" – Mary Ellen Chase. A state of grace, a state of love.

"Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you” – Steve Maraboli. Love your family! Do unto the others in your family as you would have done unto you.

Amy Mitchell Whittington writes about Christmas ("Christian message: Christmas is not a 'great escape' but a time to come together," 24 December 2016, Brisbane Times, brisbanetimes.com.au):

Christmas is not a time to escape the realities of the world and look the other way but to shine a light on the tragedies of the world and embrace the new possibilities of 2017 – that is the message put forth by Brisbane's Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge and Anglican Archbishop Phillip Aspinall for Christmas 2016.

Let us not escape from the realities of life but instead embrace them. Like: "Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone" – Charles M Schulz. Look, there are several someones in our family!

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?” – Bob Hope. @

25 December 2016. Essay word count, excluding this line: 2020.